Sign Creation at Sporting Events

OK, while there are many things that bother me about sports, there are several things that bother me about fans as well. This post is going to be my outlining rules for what is an acceptable sign.

Rule #1: The sign cannot be anything vile about an opposing player that isn't true. Several years ago a Maryland basketball fan held a sign (on national television, nonetheless) that read, "Hey JJ, I raped your little sister last night." This is so far out of bounds that I don't even want to touch it. It's not even close to being allowed, and I hope the fan's parents saw what their son had done and pulled him out of school and had him re-evaluate his own life.

Rule #2: Signs must be legible. Do not scrawl your chicken scratch on a sign so that nobody can read it. The writing must be clear so that a long-lens camera can display it on TV.

Rule #3: In the event that you make an acrostic sign, whether it be with a school's abbreviation or the network the game is airing on, you MUST start each line/word with the first letter of whichever acronym you are using. I saw a sign during tonight's Florida State/Miami game (on ESPN) that read:

HurricanE
SeaSon
Postponed
For Now

These types of signs are so dumb that I want to reach through the television and punch the person holding it in the face. You can essentially make it say anything you want, since you've allowed yourself the freedom to utilize the letters wherever you'd like in a word. An example of a good one that I remember is one that was made for my cousin, Sam Swank, who is the former Wake Forest kicker/punter. Using his last name, it read:

Secret
Weapon
All-Purpose
NFL Bound
Kicker

That is creative, funny, and clearly stays within the boundaries of only using the letters of the acronym/name to begin each line, plus it's relevant to the topic at hand.

Rule #4: No spelling mistakes. Simply inexcusable, and your sign should be seized and burned.

Rule #5: Objects are most definitely allowed. The combination of the letter "D" and a picket fence to symbolize "Defense" is so classic and awesome that I encourage it to be at every football game.

Rule #6: The only thing better than a sign and a "Defense" combo is a replica Stanley Cup made out of tin foil.