32. St. Louis Rams (0-6) [32]
The Rams showed some promise last week. While Jacksonville isn’t very good outside of Maurice Jones-Drew and Mike Sims-Walker, St. Louis had a lead late in the game before succumbing in overtime. The problem is that, aside from Detroit in Week 8 (and maybe Tennessee in Week 14), there isn’t a seemingly winnable game on the schedule. I wouldn’t be surprised to see this team go 0-16 just one year after the Lions became the first to have that dubious honor.
31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-6) [31]
The good news for the Buccaneers was that they didn’t get shredded through the air last week (only 55 yards allowed). The bad news was that they played Jake Delhomme, who sucks, and the Panthers ran the ball 48 times for 267 yards. Much like St. Louis, Tampa Bay played hard and was competitive, but next week might be a bloodbath. The only team with a worse secondary than Tennessee is Tampa Bay, and Tom Brady just threw for about 1000 yards and thirty touchdowns in the first half against Tennessee last weekend. Couple the fact that this game is in London, despite being a home game for the Bucs, and we are going to have an ugly game on our hands. If you are a bettor, take the Pats to cover, even if the spread hits twenty points.
30. Tennessee Titans (0-6) [26]
The fact that a team who just got taken out back to the woodshed and is winless isn’t the worst team in the NFL speaks volumes about how bad the Rams and Buccaneers are. This team is getting shredded by opponents’ passing games (over 325 yards per game), with no help in sight. Cortland Finnegan just got hurt, downgrading the secondary from laughable to downright awful. It is truly remarkable to think that this team was the best in the league last year. Keep your heads up though Titans’ fans, the Vince Young era might start up again after its hiatus!
29. Washington Redskins (2-4) [25]
If they were the worst 2-3 team in the history of the NFL last week, they are certainly the worst 2-4 team ever. If you take out the Giants, the Redskins’ opponents have a combined record of 4-25. Three of those wins came against Washington, while Carolina also beat the lowly Buccaneers. Speaking of the Tampa Bay, they are one of two teams to fall victim to the mighty Redskins this season (the Rams are the other). The combined margin of victory from those two wins? Five points. Also, your players are asking for votes of confidence from management regarding the coach, who just lost his play-calling duties to a guy whose most recent employment was calling bingo at a retirement home. Since Tennessee can’t lose next week because it’s on a bye, expect Washington to fall again after they lose to Philadelphia on national television.
Interesting Note: Does anyone else besides me find it ironic that the last four teams in my power rankings are also last in an alphabetical list of NFL teams?
28. Cleveland Browns (1-5) [27]
Is it safe to say that Cleveland’s best quarterback option is Josh Cribbs? Sure he threw an interception last week, but so do Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson, right? Why hasn’t Cleveland just lined Cribbs up thirty yards behind center and snapped it to him like a punt return? Their best offensive play is a Cribbs kick return. Also, Mangini has listed twenty-three players on this week’s injury report, which is most likely a record. On a side note, if you’re interested in real estate in the Cleveland area, I hear that Brady Quinn’s house is on the market, perhaps because he couldn’t afford it due to not playing?
27. Oakland Raiders (2-4) [30]
The first real WTF of the season. How in the hell does a team that would have been #32 in the rankings aside from an ugly win (until we saw Cleveland’s riveting 6-3 win over Buffalo) over Kansas beat my #5 team? I have no idea. I still don’t think that the Raiders are any good, especially JaMarcus Russell. Even though he was 17/28 last week for 224 yards, over one-third of those yards came on a twenty yard pass he completed to Zach Miller, who, in turn, took it eighty-six yards to the hizzy (props to Louis Murphy for throwing a block on three different Eagles on the play). They have a shot at three more wins (Kansas City, Washington, @Cleveland), but I think that’s the ceiling. Speaking of which, has anybody heard anything from Darrius Heyward-Bey? Michael Crabtree hasn’t even set foot on the field yet and he’s been in the news constantly.
26. Buffalo Bills (2-4) [28]
Yeah, that was painful to watch as a Jets fan. I don’t think the Bills are any good, I just think that they were less bad than the Jets on Sunday. Aided by five Mark Sanchez (and one Steven Weatherford) interceptions, the Bills were able to squeak out a win in the Meadowlands. With Trent Edwards likely out for at least a week with a concussion, they’ll rely heavily on the running back tandem of Marshawn Lynch and Fred Jackson, who should be getting a ton more work than he is. They certainly have winnable games in the future, but the anemic pass offense needs to get going, which I don’t think it will.
25. Kansas City Chiefs (1-5) [29]
Finally the Chiefs leave behind their winless brothers at the bottom of the rankings, and all it took was a visit from Washington. The Titans should be bummed that they don’t get a shot at the Redskins this season, because they’d have a legitimate shot at winning. Anyway, Matt Cassel has done some nice things with this offense, and Dwayne Bowe looks as dominant as he has in the past. While I don’t see Kansas City winning many games this season, they can take pride in the fact that they’re at least playing hard each week. I am also anxiously awaiting Todd Haley benching Larry Johnson for Jamaal Charles so that my late round flier on Charles in fantasy drafts becomes validated.
24. Detroit Lions (1-5) [24]
The three cogs of their offense, Matthew Stafford, Kevin Smith, and Calvin Johnson, are all banged up. The bye week is certainly coming at the right time, as they were simply overmatched by an above average Packers offense and a very stout defense last week. Another team that I think has limited win potential, but will only get better and probably be dangerous in the future.
23. Carolina Panthers (2-3) [23]
Beating hapless Tampa Bay on a last minute touchdown doesn’t impress me in the least. You, Carolina, are not a good team. Like I said last week, they’ll get to 3-3 after beating Buffalo this week, but then go on a losing streak of at least four, and most likely five. The one positive note for the Panthers is that DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart looked great, meaning that Jake Delhomme didn’t have to do much. I also don’t generally praise teams whose best offensive weapons publicly state that they are no longer an asset to the offense.
22. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3) [21]
This team is an enigma. They played Indianapolis to a two-point game in Week 1, but got crushed by Seattle before barely beating St. Louis last week. Maurice Jones-Drew is definitely the guy there, and got rewarded for the rant he went on that I discussed last week. I could see them going anywhere from 5-11 to 10-6 and I wouldn’t be surprised. Mike Sims-Walker has been great so far (excluding his suspension for going out before the Seattle game), and helps the offense click better. Only time will tell with this team.
21. Seattle Seahawks (2-4) [19]
Matt Hasselbeck claimed that whenever his mom was in attendance at Seahawks home games, they were undefeated. The number was somewhere in the teens I think, which should have gotten it one of those sections on SportsCenter where they talk about the best streaks of all time. On July 17, 1941, Joe DiMaggio’s 56-game hitting streak came to an end against the Cleveland Indians. That makes the Arizona Cardinals the Cleveland Indians of the NFL, as, on October 18, 2009, they ended Mama Hasselbeck’s streak. It’ll be tough for Seattle to make noise in the NFC West since it already trails San Francisco and the
20. San Diego Chargers (2-3) [18]
I posted these rankings on a message board on ESPN and was scoffed at by a diehard Chargers fan saying that they were too low. After seeing them lose the Monday night game (and, most likely, the AFC West), to Denver I can say that I disagree. The defense isn’t very good. In five games, it has only seven sacks and four interceptions, and doesn’t show any promise of getting better any time soon. LaDainian Tomlinson showed some burst for the first time all season, but I want to see him sustain it for a few weeks before I say he’s back. Philip Rivers doesn’t have enough time to throw, as the Broncos proved to us. He fumbled three times, including on the final drive because the line couldn’t block A Gap blitzes, which get to the quarterback the quickest. They’ve got two games against Kansas City and another with Oakland upcoming, so they can prove me wrong by dominating those outings.
19. Houston Texans (3-3) [22]
This is the only AFC South team without a loss to the Colts, who they play twice in the next six weeks. Sorry Houston, but I don’t see you beating Indy in either matchup. They are definitely a wild card candidate, but they’ll have to do some damage before tough season ending games at Miami and versus New England. Steve Slaton appears to be coming around, Matt Schaub is proving that he’s a top quarterback in this league when healthy, and Andre Johnson is still a man among boys.
18. Arizona Cardinals (3-2) [20]
I still think Arizona’s Achilles heel will be its inability to run the ball. With Kurt Warner slinging it again and Larry Fitzgerald dominating, they have no problem scoring. A healthy Anquan Boldin would make this team a much bigger threat, so I’ll keep an eye on his ailings. The defense has been surprisingly good, as it’s #1 against the run, and somewhat serviceable against the pass. Like I said earlier, the biggest problem lies in the fact that the team cannot run the ball to work the clock when it has a lead. If they don’t figure that out, I don’t think they will make too much noise.
17. New York Jets (3-3) [9]
Ouch. Tied for the biggest drop of the week, the Jets lost more than just the game on Sunday. Who I thought to be the most irreplaceable player on the team, Kris Jenkins, is now done for the season after tearing his ACL on a standard NFL play. I honestly believe that the Jets would have at least tied that game with Jenkins playing, despite Mark Sanchez’s debacle. The Bills were getting five or six yards per carry after he went out, which is a trend I fear might continue as the season progresses. Luckily they get the Raiders this week, which should allow them to get back above .500 before another tough test with Miami. As a fan I am happy that Mark Sanchez is being accountable for his horrific play, and I continue to think that he will be a successful NFL quarterback in the future.
16. Dallas Cowboys (3-2) [17]
Teams 10-19 are all question marks to me, and I did the best to rank them as I could. Dallas, on paper, should be great. They’ve got three very good running backs, a seemingly talented quarterback, and a great tight end. Nobody seems to know what Roy Williams is as a player, but the general consensus is that he sucks. Too bad Jerry Jones overpaid for him and is essentially going to force him to be a part of the offense. Also, what happened to Demarcus Ware? He had twenty sacks last season, but only two so far this year. The defense needs to get going in order for this team to go anywhere this year.
15. Miami Dolphins (2-3) [16]
To me, this is the most dangerous team lurking in this middle pack. Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams run the Wildcat flawlessly, and it’s damn near impossible to stop when those guys are reading defenses properly. Chad Henne is good. Period. He started four years at Michigan, and didn’t seem fazed in the least by the Jets’ blitzes two weeks ago. As long as the defense is able to stop opposing offenses so that the offense doesn’t have to hang thirty every week, they will win a bunch of ballgames. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to see them beat New Orleans this weekend and continue their march to a wild card berth.
14. San Francisco 49ers (3-2) [14]
The bye week came at a great time to the 49ers. After a heartbreaking loss to Minnesota, a bounceback game against the Rams, and a shellacking at the hands of Atlanta, San Francisco got a chance to regroup, get Frank Gore healthy, and get Michael Crabtree acclimated to the offense. I love hearing that Josh Morgan, who lost his starting spot to Crabtree, was still helping Crabtree learn the offense anyway. Those are the kind of team-first, character guys you build a squad around. I hope good things come for him in the future. If the offense gets going, Patrick Willis and the defense will take care of the rest and this team could easily roll to an NFC West crown.
13. Philadelphia Eagles (3-2) [5]
Bye bye Eliminator Challenge. A last-minute change of my pick from the Steelers to the Eagles was the wrong move, as the Eagles thought they were playing in Philadelphia last Sunday and didn’t show up to play in Oakland, so a combination of fifty-three men and women wearing Eagles jerseys who showed up for the game had a massive tailgate and then played the game against the Raiders, falling just short in a valiant effort, 13-9. Wait, that didn’t happen? Well, it sounds more plausible than what took place, at the very least. I still think Philadelphia is a good team and will be in the playoffs, but a loss to Oakland is inexcusable.
12. Cincinnati Bengals (4-2) [7]
The defense was the latest victim of Matt Schaub’s march through opposing secondaries, as they surrendered just under 400 yards to the Texans through the air. Cedric Benson cooled off a bit last week, only rushing for forty-four yards on sixteen carries. The loss of Antwan Odom for the year will be huge, so we’ll see how they replace him on the defensive line. After a tough game at home against Chicago and a bye, Cincinnati will show us what it’s made of with back-to-back games against Baltimore and at Pittsburgh.
11. Green Bay Packers (3-2) [15]
How good is Aaron Rodgers? He doesn’t have an offensive line and is still completing 65% of his passes for nearly 300 yards per game, with a 4:1 TD-to-interception ratio. Oh, if that wasn’t good enough, he also has a rushing touchdown. And he saves kids from burning buildings. To complement Rodgers, Ryan Grant has been consistent, albeit not great, and the defense is fresh off of a shutout, even if it was against a depleted Detroit Lions team. Still, tough divisional foes in Chicago and Minnesota make the road to the playoffs that much tougher.
10. Chicago Bears (3-2) [12]
I know that the Packers beat the Bears head-to-head and they have identical 3-2 records, yet I have Chicago ranked ahead of Green Bay. If, in your mind, that’s wrong, then switch them and mentally put Green Bay at ten and Chicago at eleven. I think Chicago has the more impressive win (over Pittsburgh), and that Jay Cutler has been infinitely better since his debacle in Week 1. The big question mark here is Matt Forte. Where is the guy we saw last year? Have opposing defenses learned how to stop him? Is he not as good as we thought? I have questions, but only Matt Forte and the Bears have answers. Much like Houston and Indianapolis, I also like the fact that Chicago still gets two cracks at Minnesota, in which they can get even in the loss column and take a head-to-head advantage.
9. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-2) [13]
They are starting to resemble the team we thought they’d be. Mike Tomlin has wisely named Rashard Mendenhall his starter, which I think will benefit them in the long run. Ben Roethlisberger is slinging the ball all over the field, yet is completing 72.5% of his passes. Hines Ward is smiling, while on pace to catch over 100 balls, and the defense is still pretty solid, especially now that Hair Polamalu is back. Four out of the next five are very tough (Minnesota, BYE, @Denver on MNF, Cincinnati, @Kansas City, @Baltimore on Sunday night). If they get three or four of them, they will have come out of the schedule very well.
8. Baltimore Ravens (3-3) [11]
Steven F-ing Hauscka is what the Ravens fans are probably saying to themselves (and each other) right now. A 44-yard field goal in a dome isn’t terribly difficult for a kicker, and I know that he was under pressure and the Metrodome is loud, but kickers are expected to make those kicks, and Hauschka will be the first one to tell you that. Anyway, despite three consecutive losses (to teams with a combined 14-4 record), I still think this is a playoff team. Ray Rice has emerged as an elite back in the NFL, Joe Flacco is amazing, and the defense, while not what it once was, can still make enough plays to win games.
7. Atlanta Falcons (4-1) [8]
This is the one team that has a remote chance of challenging New Orleans in the NFC South. Matt Ryan is amazing, Roddy White confirmed that he is, in fact, out of his coma, Tony Gonzalez is a beast, and Michael Turner is running like he did last year again. I definitely think they’re a playoff bound team again, and am anxious to see how they perform on the road against Dallas this week before next week’s showdown with the Saints in the Superdome.
6. New York Giants (5-1) [2]
The drop wasn’t because I think they’re the sixth best team, but more due to the fact that New Orleans took it to them last week. Drew Brees threw for 369 yards and four touchdowns. Seven different Saints scored a touchdown, showing that the Giants can be beaten in a variety of ways. The nail in the coffin was Reggie Bush’s touchdown before halftime that made it a seventeen-point game again. I still don’t think that the team is in trouble as far as winning the NFC East or making the playoffs, but that showing was one they’ll want to forget.
5. New England Patriots (4-2) [10]
Say hello to your 2009 AFC East champions. I know that it was Tennessee who currently can’t stop the Little Giants’ connection of Junior to Hot Hands, but a fifty-nine-point victory over any NFL team is damn impressive. Tom Brady wasn’t overthrowing receivers, and Wes Welker was, for the first time, not on the injury report. They are going to continue to roll and piss me off, and I cannot even imagine what’s going to happen next time they play the Jets. I hate the Patriots…a lot.
4. Minnesota Vikings (6-0) [4]
I know they just beat my #8 team, but this is a team that could easily be 4-2. I understand that they made a play to beat San Francisco, so I give them credit for that. However, they should have lost last week’s game. Brad Childress was apparently neutered as a child, because he had no balls whatsoever in his playcalling at the end of the game. He played for a field goal to put his team up by two, even though that meant leaving Baltimore nearly two minutes to run out its offense (that Minnesota’s defense couldn’t stop in the entire second half) to get in field goal range. I still don’t trust Childress, even if he does have Adrian Peterson in his backfield.
3. Denver Broncos (6-0) [6]
What else does this team need to do to get attention? They’re good, end of story. Josh McDaniels has gotten them to play hard, and the defense is superb. Also, even though it doesn’t match the hideous AFL uniforms the Broncos wear, McDaniels’ pale blue hoodie is simply awesome and I kind of want one. Kyle Orton has been great, making McDaniels’ adamant claim that Orton was his guy going into the season make him seem even smarter. I’m pretty sure they already won the AFC West, so even a brutal second half schedule, including these games: @Baltimore, Pittsburgh, New York Giants, @Indianapolis, @Philadelphia can’t make up for games at Washington, versus Oakland, and a home-and-away with Kansas City. Say hello to your first guaranteed playoff team of 2009.
2. Indianapolis Colts (5-0) [1]
Obviously they didn’t do anything to deserve to drop one spot this week, it’s just that I think New Orleans did enough to take the #1 spot. No matter how much praise I give Peyton Manning, it’s never enough. This guy could make Helen Keller, Stevie Wonder, and Ray Charles Pro Bowlers. Not only does he make the right reads at the line of scrimmage, but his passes always seem to be the kind you couldn’t place any better. The return of Anthony Gonzalez isn’t as important now as it may have seemed in Week 1 after he went down, and Bob Sanders should be back soon, which vastly improves the Colts run defense. Another win probably gives this division to Indianapolis, who I think will end up being the #1 seed in the AFC.
1. New Orleans Saints (5-0) [3]
By far the most impressive performance of the week, and probably the entire season unfolded in New Orleans last Sunday. New Orleans embarrassed the Giants, getting touchdowns from: Mike Bell, Jeremy Shockey, Robert Meachem, Lance Moore, Reggie Bush, Marques Colston, and Heath Evans. Notice that list didn’t include their best running back (Pierre Thomas), which is scary. I don’t know if there is a team besides the Colts that can keep up with them on both sides of the ball, which would make them the Super Bowl favorites in the NFC right now. As I mentioned earlier, I think they could easily lose to Miami and the Wildcat on the road this weekend because I think that offense is so difficult to stop and the Dolphins might do to New Orleans what they did to Indianapolis earlier in the year, which is keep the Saints offense on the sidelines. I don’t know if I am ready to elevate Brees to Peyton Manning status just yet, which a quarterback reaches when he understands the time on the clock, the number of timeouts, and how best to position his team for a score, and then goes out and flawlessly executes that plan. If Brees does this, I think New Orleans gets to 6-0 to set up a HUGE game with Atlanta. Nonetheless, the Saints deserve to be atop the rankings this week.
Nice rankings, very well done.
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